Everyone expects the people who were able to get out of Egypt to happy and feel safe and secure. Is it ungrateful to be anything less than relieved to be out of a potentially dangerous situation?
Right now, most shops are closed, people's cash is running out, food is not being replenished in the city, and security is uncertain.
But the only place I want to be right now is Cairo.
I'm watching Al Jazeera and they just panned down 26th of July street in Zamalek. It's the street I walk down everyday to get a cab in the morning and get dropped of of in the evening. It's the street I meet my colleague most early mornings to go running. "Sita wa ashreen Yulio." (26th of July). It's the words I speak everyday when I get in a taxi at the end of work.
Work. The building I work in was looted, the glass on the first two floors broken, and the entrance being protected now by men with metal rods and sticks.
How is this Cairo? How is this the place I had these moments of belonging? How is this the same city my fiance and I were planning on starting our life together after we get married?
I'm so proud of the Egyptian people for this uprising - of taking back what they deserve and what they want and demanding a true democracy. Selfishly, I want things to go back to normal as soon as possible so I can return. For everyones sake I hope Mubarak steps down and allows someone else to take power.
Now I feel guilty for not being there and guilty for being safe when so many of my family and friends are unsafe and uncertain of their situation. What will happen next? What will we be doing tomorrow or the next day? What country will I be in in one weeks time?
The only thing I do know is that my heart will be in Cairo tomorrow and the coming days even if physically I am not. Being safe and feeling secure are apparantely very different.
What kind of Cairo and Egypt will I return to? Hopefully it will be a better and more democratic place that will allow the Egyptian people to build the kind of future and life they so deserve after their courageous efforts on the streets.